yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
