Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
