The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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