Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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