Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
