i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
