She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
