I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I sprained my soul last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize