Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
did i walk over a car last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
