On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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