I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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