He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
