I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my being single is dangerous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
