My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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