have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
