I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
