my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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