No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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