RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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