i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what day is it and did you see me today?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
