so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
