i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
