If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
