my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
