I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
