i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
