If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize