Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That's intense
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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