return my video game
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize