this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have fence marks all over my body
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
