I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
