i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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