Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
