I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize