When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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