Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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