How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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