I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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