Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
