My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My breasts were aching with rage.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
