I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
