yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
