I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
