yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
