I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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