Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
