There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
