No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
two words...techno handjob
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
