The maid of honor just puked.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
