yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
