Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
