Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
