After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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