Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
