There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
