If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
