You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
