I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
