I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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