We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
