i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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