he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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