I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize