my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
