I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
