i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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