What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I believe in your delicious
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
