Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
