So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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