You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
